Photo by Dan Monick
The Fiona Apple arrest story just keeps getting crazier. Over the weekend, the singer-songwriter feverishly ranted to a Houston crowd, threatening to expose four unnamed people who'd displayed "inappropriate and probably illegal" behavior during her jail experience. ("I'll make you fucking famous any time you ask.") Now, a representative from the Hudspeth County (Texas) Sheriff's Department has written her a letter in retort, as TMZ posts.
According to this guy's note, Fiona Apple is not famous, nobody cares about her, and she just needs to "shut up and sing." Okay, Hudspeth County Sheriff's Department Public Information Officer Rusty Fleming! Via TMZ:
First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don't need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine....
Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, -- now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won't bill you...
Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail... [Snoop Dogg, Willie Nelson, and actor Armie Hammer were all arrested for marijuana possession in Sierra Blanca, the same Texas town that Fiona was -- Ed.]
Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don't know you but I'm sure you're an awesome and talented young woman and even though I'm not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple "just shut-up and sing."
I am guessing Mr. Fleming hasn't yet listened to a Fiona Apple album, and recommend that he start with When the Pawn.
Watch Fiona giving her original statement in Houston: